Attitude of gratitude

With Thanksgiving coming up (an American holiday for those international readers) our church had many talks about gratitude and being thankful. This really had me thinking...especially yesterday as it was my one year anniversary in the church. I am so blessed and have seen these first hand.

Some may say that I would have been blessed no matter what but my faith has increased my blessings and these chances.(in my eyes) I have been more receptive to seeing these blessings over this past year. And not everything has come in the form of something positive. One sister spoke about not dwelling on what you can't do but to dwell on what you can do. This is a big concept for some and I am certainly not out of this boat. My reactions tend to be on the spectrum of dwelling and I have often said "they said this to me and I can't get over it."
Some ways to help counteract those feelings are to not take our blessings for granted and think about all positives. Show gratitude. Share blessings.

I am blessed to be pregnant. I am blessed to be having our second boy. I am blessed to have one of those boys to be watching over us in Heaven. I am blessed with a hard working husband who works long hours so I can just work part time and focus on the pregnancy. I am blessed by a great..no phenomenal support system. This includes true family members and countless friends.

What are you blessed with?
Count your many blessings... Name them one by one.

DC TRIP

Left the DC temple a while ago and had such a great time. I was in awe when first seeing the temple in the distance. Holy cow is it huge! It was more stunning as you drove closer. The visitor center holds many special features like 8 stories and a family style living room to watch the churches video on family. I've watched it before after my loss with Matthew and had such a hard time watching it. It was when I first was taking lessons a year ago. Beautiful video but so hard when you lose a child. This time being pregnant I didn't cry as much but was feeling my little baby bump and relishing in the fact that I am so blessed with my husband. The video also has the mom talking about her daughter and how she was in Heaven before She was born. Hearing this made me know Matthew has been spoiled getting so much time in Heaven.
The 8 stories room featured 8 stories of missionaries before ,during, and after their missions. I ended up actually seeing two stories that I have seen already bit it was great to see new things in each video. We had a great tour guide. His name was elder Gillespie and he was actually in the General authority from 200-2005 and has worked with the 12 apostles in our church this honestly intimidated me.
Our poor exchange student was a little overwhelmed herself and he was trying so hard to get her interested. But with the language barrier and her overall shy qualities it was difficult. He tried to have her set up times to meet with missionaries. Little did he know that we have missionaries over all the time to teach us and help us with service. And she even has a Book of Mormon in Italian if it sparked her interest. 
Before we left we met two of the sisters serving there. One from Idaho and one was originally from Tongo.  So cool! They were filled with the spirit and you could sense a passion for their work in DC and in general. We exchanged Facebook's and I hope to keep in touch...
One could never have too many friends.
Our trip to DC was one of the best. Another highlight was visiting the United States Holocaust Museum. Although I have gone 4 times before this time being pregnant was more emotional. We picked a name from the old testament that is primarily Jewish in history for our newest son and being in the museum made me so happy with our pick. Our son will grow up in an in perfect world where we will try to parent perfectly.  We will educate him about the past and instill a passion in him to hopefully make changes. Just as my mom did for me. I don't stand by. I take action. I have raised enough money to help dig clean drinking water wells in South Sudan with a Human Rights organization I was involved in during college.  I have interviewed and met over a dozen local Holocaust Survivors and learned their stories as a way to pass it on. I have learned about modern day Genocides and met the amazing people who never gave up. I was touched and humbled to go through this museum with my husband and exchange student.  Please hold the saying true and close to your heart....Never Forget. 

Primary program

Yesterday was our wards(church) primary program(basically kids ranging from 2-12) they sang,gave testimony And were just overall adorable. My little niece..(well best friends daughter) is 4 and had her part all memorized but when it came to getting to the stand the teacher said follow what I say ok..then told her What to say. At the end she said something like great job Bella. And of course Bella said great job into the microphone. It was so cute.

I usually have had a hard time with these type of things. There was a song in family and how the parents are the children's truest role models. I cried the whole song. Not a sobbing ball..crawl up into a ball and need to eat ice cream cry. But tears of joy knowing soon enough Andrew and I will be teaching and being role models to our little one. I am So thrilled.

We also discussed at church the importance of social media and flooding it with scripture. So my scripture I am sharing is:
Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast.” Ether 12:4

What is some of your favorite scripture? How has it shaped you?

Parenting like your mom

So I was reading this article someone shared and it was 15 reasons why mom is the best. Specifically your mom. While I love my mom with everything I have...there are some things in the article I disagree with. "You love your mom so much and want to parent exactly like how she parented you." While that seems fine and dandy...not for me. My mom is a mother of 4. Out ages are 27,23,13,and 12. I can tell you one thing for sure...she did not parent any of us the exact same. She grew and learned with me how to try new things with my younger brother. She learned that discipline doesn't always work the same for two different people. While there are things I will take from my mom and her style of parenting I will not parent exactly like she did. Almost 30 years ago safety in the neighborhoods were different. Internet was not rearing its ugly head with access to cyber bullying ,pornography , among other issues. While it gives us access to family and friends far apart and access to amazing info ,a parent now a days has to be worried about what's on the Internet. Kids could play outside with less worries of gang violence, molesters and just crazy freaks trying to influence you. Again these are all my opinions and thoughts. I also love near a city that is on the top ten worse places to love due to safety and gang violence. 

While I haven't been able to parent any children of my own just yet I have been able to absorb styles and ways many other parents have. I will use all of these different attributes to help me. 

Another article recently shared on facebook was one about women with tattoos. While my religion is against ruins the temple of your body with ink..I came into the LDS faith with tattoos already. I have never been made to feel uncomfortable or ashamed of my tattoos. Granted I don't have full sleeves or crazy tattoos(almost all of mine are covered) the article(written by a man) claimed women with tattoos are sluts, have no self worth, have mental issues, have no sense of values or morals and much more. I was honestly dumb founded. I don't sleep around. I have a strong sense of faith and morals and know who I am. Also happy to say besides anxiety and depression that has come with the loss of my son and another loss this past April I am a fine well adjusted person who has been able to hold down many great jobs. People should get to know the people behind the tattoos.  

New baby!!!

My husband and I are over the moon to share the news with friends and family today that we are going to have a baby April 2015. We are officially due the 10 th. April has been a rough month for us. In 2012 we lost our Matthew. I was 5 months pregnant. In 2014 of April we lost another baby. This time the pregnancy was just a few short weeks. It will be three year's come April 2015 that we have been able to hold a baby that is truly ours.  A rainbow baby is the miracle baby that comes after the storm of a loss. This is truly our rainbow and beacon of hope. Today we celebrated my 27th birthday party with family and friends. The fire hall was decked out with rainbow galore. From balloons to streamers,pictures and even a rainbow cake! My favorite part was the rainbow candy bar with all different colored candies for people to grab a bag and take home. It was so much fun being around family and friends today.  Heavenly Father has truly blessed us and we couldn't be happier.

Love thy neighbor

So it really is to funny when you need to get a message in your head and then Sunday talks are exactly what you need to hear. Saturday I was commenting to some of my husband's family how I feel thankful that I don't know my neighbors and I don't have them bothering me. We don't have a relationship. But then again deep down a hello or two would be nice.
Today the Sunday lesson had bits about loving thy neighbor. Even the pain in the butt ones who ha be wronged us. That's what Heavenly Father wants from us. As hard as it is to do a smile can go a long way.
I moved into the house my papa raised his family in and myself in some ways. Most of these neighbors have not moved or changed. Since moving no one has really gotten to know us except some people on another street while we shopped at a garage sale. They were nice but since it's just Andrew and I in The home no one has paid much attention. So it's hard to put yourself out there and be like "hello! I am supposed to love you my wonderful neighbor!" How do we bridge the gaps? Well for us we will be trying to meet more people this weekend at our annual neighborhood picnic. There are many ways we can say hello, help a neighbor, and show compassion for others.

Keeping the HOPE

This week in relief society it was a lesson all about keeping the hope just when you do not think you can. Or defying the odds and still remaining hopeful. These are two big things. there are many times in my life where I have honestly felt hopeless. And there have been times where I still have remained to keep some ounce of hope alive.  If you have read other posts you can see I write a lot about my loss of Matthew and I had a more recent loss this past april. After I lost Matthew two years ago I had lost all hope. I turned away from my faith a little bit and wasn't sure what to do. This time around(I was now a member of the LDS church) I felt like ok this is a bump in the road but it was just not my time yet. I remained hopeful because I had scriptures to turn to. I had Ensign (A church magazine) articles to turn to for hope. And most of all my family and church friends. The elders knew about the loss and Elder Kelly was able to give me a beautiful blessing. This loss happened to be during the time I planned a trip out to Buffalo to see him. Heavenly Father knew I needed to see my good friend and needed his helpful words of comfort through a blessing. I am not saying for everyone church helps get throughout tough times...but for me and many others out there...its the best thing. I didn't turn my back on Heavenly Father this time around. I knew he was there right with me. I have seen many blessings come after these losses and have been so grateful.

We all have battles we are facing that no other person can truly understand what you are going through. This point really rings true with me in the sense of my studies and passion for human rights. I studied a lot about the Holocaust and have interviewed many many survivors. No two stories are ever the same.  They could have been from the same family, yet they felt things differently and experienced many differences. I am always humbled by these survivors and their sense of continued hope. It really makes me put my life into perspective.

It was great to hear so many sisters share stories of hope. One sister had a husband who was very ill a couple of years ago, and she struggled. However knowing in her heart that they would be reunited again in the future in the kingdom of Heaven made her mind have some ease.
This made me think of my two babies in heaven. I will be reunited with them and I will be the mom to Matthew that I was supposed to be. That gives me such a sense of hope that I do need to continue my everyday life. I know when I have kids in the future they will be blessed with the best guardian angels around.

The sisters in the church are so strong and are such great examples to me. I once was in a lesson about baptism and I just thought of my big day coming up in the temple. I will be having Elder Kelly step in for Matthew and he will be sealed to Andrew and myself. I left the room that day balling because the emotions were so real and it was a struggle to keep my emotions quiet. Two sisters, one of them who taught the lesson soon came to find me to ease my thoughts and make sure I was ok. They are so sweet and really think about others. I love feeling loved and cared about , especially by fellow church members. So a big thank you to those two beautiful sisters who came to check on me that day. I keep my hope strong today because of moments like that.

By Now

By now I should be used to saying goodbye at transfer time. But this week in particular I have one friend going home from his mission, another transferring to a new area, and two friends from out of the area heading back home tomorrow. Stress is something I do not need right now...does anyone really need stress? I guess I am not alone. But these people have changed my life. I stated tonight that the worst part of being a Mormon was saying goodbye to amazing friends who are missionaries. I really give so much credit to families of missionaries. Or even our troops. I dislike change and letting them leave for so long is difficult. I love my faith and I know without this big piece of me I would not have met these wonderful people. Especially Bre and Yessi, and their friendship. We met only a couple short months ago but have created a great bond. Having them here even for a short time is such a great thing. It is nice having younger members in our ward.

Speaking of the ward there has been much change. I was actually given a new calling. (Calling is basically your job within the church to help make it better.) My new calling is in the relief society(one of the oldest female organizations who help others and are active in their communities) and I will be the secretary and sit on the presidency. This is a great  honor. I was so humbled to be asked. I know I am being guided to such great roles in my church.

Last week too my sister was able to attend camp for young women. She really enjoyed herself and ever wants to go next year! She continues to read her scriptures and seek for herself if this is the right path for her. It is beautiful to share this. Even if its not really for her the fact that she will learn more about it and check it out is great. She shows great tolerance of others, and compassion.


This week is also filled with many hellos. We say hello to our new exchange student tomorrow evening. This marks a great new beginning! And we had our final walk through with our home study to become foster parents.

Never goodbye

Saying goodbye can be one of the hardest things to do. Whether a friend's or family member. Or even perhaps someone you met recently and still want around. I had to say goodbye(or rather a see ya later) to Mathieu my previous exchange student two weeks ago as he headed back home. It was a great experience catching up and seeing New parts of the US and even Niagra Falls Canada together. Friends can come and go like bus boys in a restaurant(if you name the movie you are forever a friend) but those who come back or stick around are worth it.

We got invited to our second Mormon wedding out in Utah! One of the sister missionaries who served at my ward went back home and the love of her life proposed. I really hope we can share in their happy day! That's one hello anyone can live with.

Pageant

Maybe many of you don't know what amazing thing took place these last two weeks...but those who are Mormon our just curious about faith or even theater check out pageant. Its the story of our Book of Mormon and how it came to be and the people of the days before Christ. I was able to go opening night and closing night. It was truly beautiful and special. The first night we were able to sit with many of our special missionary friends. And I was able to see many others if we didn't sit with them. Closing night my best friend and her family came with us and our very special guest: Mathieu (our exchange student from last year) all the way from Belgium! He is not a Mormon nor religious but he enjoyed the pageant.

Heavenly Father really works in mysterious ways.

Testimony

So I really wanted to get up at church today and speak. However the spirit was felt by so many today and I honestly was a little afraid. I don't like crying in public. I knew I would cry sharing my testimony. So here I can write it out and share it with the world...or rather all my readers from all over the world. 

Today someone's wife passed away. He talked about joining her again one day and being together forever. I know this appeals to me greatly for the son and baby I lost. I know my family is waiting for me. I know that my best friend wished and prayed for someone to go back to church with and later that week I called her telling her I was interested in going to church. I do see that things happen for a reason.  I know that the missionaries visiting my papa was on purpose. And that doing good things by others blessed your own life. I was able to visit with my great gram today. She is 96 and losing her memory fast. She doesn't recognize who I am fully but knows in her heart we are related. That is still sick a beautiful thing and I really feel like Heavenly Father is still reminding her who I am in her heart because he knows that I need that. I need to feel that connection with her as long as possible. I haven't really had a grandma since I was 11 and now getting to take care of my great grandma is so rewarding. I know that I am blessed to have her in my life. 

I know that Heavenly Fathers plan is more then we could have ever imagined for ourselves. I know the Book of Mormon is true and that it's truly another testament of Jesus Christ. I am blessed. I we always love the missionaries who leave their families and work with others. I am grateful for the friends I have made and the testimony I have made. 

Amazing Grace

Today if you are familiar with my faith(being a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) it was fast and testimony Sunday. Basically we give up two meals and at church we have time to get up and share our testimonies of the church, and gospel. Today a beautiful member joined God today, her husband shared his testimony and that he doesn't feel separated from his wife. He knows he will be joining her again soon. He knows that her family was there waiting for her to join her in the kingdom of Heaven. This was so beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. They say of you stretch a strong from one side of your house the other other..then place a paper clip on this string ..this represents how much time we are on earth. The rest of the string is when we are with our Heavenly Father and our beloved family. For me this is so crucial to be with my family.

Speaking of family: my little brother had his third lesson on what we call "the plan of salvation" and he basically knew each step and thing the missionaries wanted to touch base on. It was so great to see his progression and interest in learning more! 

I have been able to meet with some people in my community who have been interested in learning more about the gospel. It's been very rewarding and u love sharing my stories. 

What will your story of faith be? How will you share it? 

Power in scripture

So my husband and I have been reading the Book of Mormon every day trying to finish the book. He was behind me when we started the challenge and I honestly liked being ahead. Falling short on my goal he is nearly catching up. I am in the book of Alma(for those who are familiar) and in the recent chapter have found many scriptures that really stood out. Below are screenshots of those that stood out. 

Wow!!! So powerful. I have been struggling like I said and when turning to certain family members I have received some not so nice comments about my choices to have a family rather then save the money and buy a house. I know my plan I have a family with my husband is important to me and know it is worth it. 

What scriptures help you? share! Whether it is in the Bible or the Book of Mormon (another testament of Jesus Christ)

Support through struggle

I am going to be honest and admit I have been struggling lately. If you are just reading in I have been struggling with fertility issues since I lost a baby at 5 months pregnant back in April of 2012. This past April I had an early loss after having some extra help from the doctors. I tried again this past month with no luck. The next step is a shot to help me each day and it's not covered by insurance. It's nearly 1000$ and we have just spent too much in the last two years already. I've thrown in the towel right now on motherhood. Then yesterday(seeing as I am writing this at 3am) I went to a local baseball game. I had my mom and her new husband there along with his parents, my siblings and my husband. A couple rows in front of me I see this amazing family with 5 kids. One of them is a young girl with cancer. She was the most beautiful girl I have seen and the biggest and brightest smile. So I decided to see if social media would pay off and I began tweeting to the local team and it's mascot. I simply kept asking for her to be visited by the mascot to make her night. 3-4 tweets later and a manager of the stadium surprised this little girl with gifts from the team. He then saw she had siblings and soon included them. Her family was taken up to the press box and had a meet and greet with the mascot Spike. The feelings I had of joy and excitement when it actually worked are priceless. I never came forward to the family but I did stop the manager and thank him,telling him I was the one who messaged and how grateful I was to be heard. I text my mom that if I can't be a mom right now...I am going to help those who are fighting so hard to still be a parent. 

“Whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.”

—Alma 36:3

So I will put my faith continuously in my Heavenly Father. I will do the right thing for others and myself because at the end of the day that feeling is what I need. I will be a parent in other ways and who knows what the future holds besides HIM.  I am thankful my mom raised me to think of others. 

 This is a picture of the little girl being sneaky and trying to move up a few rows from her parents. Her laugh was so cute!

Mormon Lingo

Below is a list of common lingo from members of my church...the link I found this at is http://minorproblems.wordpress.com/mormon-the-minors-terminology/

Mormon Lingo

So I realized that there are a lot of things in my blog that you may not understand if you are not Mormon. Ergo, I am creating this page to be filled with terms, concepts, and their definitions to keep things clear. This is going to be a big work in progress…

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints: This is the formal title of the Mormon church, but so many people know us as Mormons they think they are two separate churches. Also sometimes we may go by “LDS” as an abbreviated version of the Church name.

Active: This is a term for someone who is Mormon and regularly attends church meeting and activities. Now this doesn’t mean the person is completely awesome or anything, but that they’re at least committed enough to wake up on time for church.

Inactive: A Mormon that doesn’t go to church or follow any of the rules… like drinking or R-rated movie…

Institute: This is like a Bible study class for college age people in church, except we have a wide range of classes like gospel principles, old testament, book of mormon, history of the church.

R.M: This is an acronym for Returned Missionary, meaning a person who has served and completed a full-time mission (you know the ones with the name tags who go knocking on doors teaching about Christ). Many men in the church go and serve one when they turn 19 and when they come back at 21 they are a lot more mature and better looking.

Premie: Pre-Mission, meaning you can date the person but soon they’ll be off limits because missionaries aren’t suppose to date while on a mission.

Ward: this is just our term for congregation, except you go to a ward depending on where you live, much like school districts. They also have wards for single adults (also known as student wards because you normally don’t go to those until you are in college), spanish-speaking wards, deaf wards, and regular family wards.

DTR: This is an acronym for “Defining The Relationship.” It is that awkward talk where you and that other person you’ve been dating a while decide if you are an exclusive couple or just dating…

Elder: This is an official title of a man who is serving a mission or is a higher up in the church

Bishop: Same thing as a Pastor in other churches, except he isn’t paid and does not give a sermon every week. It is actually members of the congregation that speak and teach during our services.

Bishopric: Every bishop has two counselors to help him out and they are known as being in the bishopric.

EQP: So the men’s group in the church is called Elder’s Quorum, and EQP stands for Elder’s Quorum President. Think like a leader of the men’s association in a church and Elder’s Quorum is the name of that men’s association.

Relief Society: This is what we call the women’s association in our church; we are known for our mad cooking skills and having more fun than the guys.

General Conference: This a conference held twice a year where the President of the church and his counselors, apostales, and other church leaders give an address to all the members of the church about what they feel we need to be instructed on.

Singles Ward, Singles Ward II, The R.M: These are all Mormon movies; they are hilarious with much better acting than most Christian movies.

FHE: This is an acronym for Family Home Evening; it is a time set aside on Monday nights for families to share a gospel message and have a family activity together. Since I’m in a singles ward and we’re not living with our families we do it all together- and my calling is to put it together ever week for my ward.

Mormon.org: So you may have seen ads for this site, good. There are a lot of misconceptions about the church (like it being a cult or something) so these ads have been created so people know where to go to clear up these misconceptions. I’ve got a profile you can check out listed on my blogroll

Member: This means you were once baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This doesn’t mean you are active, but once a Mormon always a Mormon.

Non-Member: So this means you aren’t Mormon, usually this is how we classify how much of our lingo we’ll have to explain if we’re talking church stuff in front of someone who isn’t LDS.

Nicmo: This stands for non-committal make-out, or the Mormon version of hooking up.

Jack Mormon: Someone who only acts like a Mormon on Sundays. Basically the Mormon equivalent to a “Sunday Christian”

This is a great list! and will help others like me who converted, and just anyone reading that may be confused by what I say. I hope this helps!!

My mother

So I wanted to reflect a little bit on my mom again. Especially with Father's Day being done with. What?? Yep talking about my mom! A single mother part of my life she played two roles. Well actually about a dozen different roles whether it was mother, father, friend, role model, teacher, etc. a year ago today I got a call the night before I was supposed to drive to Florida with a good friend to be a witness in her adoption. The call was from my moms soon to be husband at the time ,Rod, my mom had a stroke and was in the hospital. I knew Florida needed to be cancelled and within minutes I packed and was heading on my way to Ny with Andrew. The next few days were some of the scarier days I have had with my mom. She had some speech delays and comprehension issues. My brother and sister still chuckle as to why I started balling when I told my mom I loved her and she had no idea what I was saying and what it meant. Granted they are 13 and. 14 years younger then me..they didn't understand how such a simple sentence can mean the world.  Heavenly Father has really watched over her and my whole family. We are all blessed to be alive and together. I love my mom and I love my Heavenly Father.

Sacred Grove

Hello everyone! On June 11th my husband and I celebrated three years of marriage! Originally we never even had the day together due to work conflicts etc. but somehow it opened up and was possible to do something together before he had class at 6 for the fire dept. Andrew has the best sort of luck when it comes to winning prizes off of the radio and he win this concert at lunch time with an up and coming artist. However in my mind I knew where we needed to be together on our special day. I felt the need in my heart to go to the "sites". These include Joseph Smith's farm and the Sacred Grove, Hill Cumorah , Alvin Smith's grave and an LDS store in the village of Palmyra. We shared this special day with Elder Kyle Willis and Elder Alex Anderson. This was the second time visiting many of the places and the feelings I had were completely different then the first time. I learned more about Joseph Smith and all that he and Emma went through to have children.  This builds my strength and testimony of faith  and endurance. I loved going to the LDS bookstore and gift shop and finding great books on loss and just about anything else you could think of. Not many members of the church will ever make it to these beautiful sites. And I live a little over 40 minutes from them. I touched things Joseph Smith touched and walked on the land he did when first trying to decide in which religion is for him. 

I have been reflecting a lot lately especially with my brother and sister taking their first lessons. Everyone positive in my life has had some soft of faith and wanted to be a good person. Easy to comprehend right? I never saw these correlations until last night. Try and surround yourself with positive people. 

Inspiration

While reading Alma chapter 5 I came across these verses : 14 And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?

15 Do ye exercise faith in the redemption of him who created you? Do you look forward with an eye of faith, and view this mortal body raised in immortality, and this corruption raised in incorruption, to stand before God to be judged according to the deeds which have been done in the mortal body?

16 I say unto you, can you imagine to yourselves that ye hear the voice of the Lord, saying unto you, in that day: Come unto me ye blessed, for behold, your works have been the works of righteousness upon the face of the earth?

 (Alma 5:14-16)

I never thought I would be so incredibly happy discussing faith. My face lights up when I speak of Heavenly Father and all he has done. Today I had a quick meet and greet with an investigator (someone the missionaries have been taking too) and I was just so alive when speaking.  Heavenly Father has given me all that I have. I used my voice recently at my job to day I would not stand for the individuals I served to be blamed because of their disabilities.  I am proud I stuck up for them. I am done with that company and moving on. I feel right about my decision. 

Recently I was speaking to Elder Fierros about his time in the Medina Ny area. He said he had had a lot of missed opportunities for miracles and he really wanted to see something happen before he gets transferred. I told him I would pray about one individual who seemed to be on the fence about her faith. Sure enough today he messaged me saying my prayers worked. How incredible is that?! I hope and pray for anyone and everyone going through a hard time. 

Be inspired by me to take a step towards learning more about the Book of Mormon. Check out Mormon.org and speak to Mormons!  Check out lds.org for inspiring messages. And keep praying!! 

Below is a picture of me reading in the park the other day!

The second picture is my (new)vintage Book of Mormon from Elder Barnes! What a fantastic friend!!

Love your enemies

We have all heard of the expression keep your friends close and your enemies closer right? Well I guess you could say below is a form of that phrase. But this says love them. Forgive. I loved this passage below..


“Love your enemies, … do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you” (Matthew 5:44). (Chapter 44: The Second Coming of Jesus Christ)

The full part is here : He will take His rightful place as King of heaven and earth. When Jesus comes, He will establish His government on the earth. The Church will become part of that kingdom. He will rule all the people of the earth in peace for 1,000 years.

When Jesus Christ first came to the earth, He did not come in glory. He was born in a lowly stable and laid in a manger of hay. He did not come with great armies as the Jews had expected of their Savior. Instead, He came saying, “Love your enemies, … do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you” (Matthew 5:44). He was rejected and crucified. But He will not be rejected at His Second Coming, “for every ear shall hear it, and every knee shall bow, and every tongue shall confess” that Jesus is the Christ (D&C 88:104). He will be greeted as “Lord of lords, and King of kings” (Revelation 17:14). He will be called “Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6).

(Chapter 44: The Second Coming of Jesus Christ)

This was so strong and powerful to me. I have had an anger in my heart before and it is just not something that you want. I am freeing my heart of this. Why not join in on the 100 days of happy campaign and see the positives in life?



I had a great weekend this past weekend. We had dinner with the elders and one of the elders friends from Canandaigua. She has the cutest little boy! He was so sweet and playful. Then the elders all came over for service and helped us paint a bedroom for our upcoming exchange student. (And a wall in our bedroom) It was so much  fun doing this with them! Then we had a picnic the next day with my inlaws/and sunday was church. The first sunday of each month is fast and testimony. (you fast for as many meals as you can in one day...most skip breakfast and lunch) Then anyone from the church can get up and share how this church has helped impact them, and how they feel/know it is true. I did not get up to speak, However I know this church to be true, and speak up about it often. I hope this blog lets my readers look at their own faith and wonder...is this what I really want? Could there be more.

Goals

 This picture was from Pinterest under the search "Mormons" and thought it fits for this blog. My goal was to spread my message, my story and my faith. I never even saw this blog reaching so many. I get so excited to see readers from Germany, Australia , Belgium, Italy , China, japan and many more. This of course includes my country of USA. I have the upmost thanks to anyone who has logged in and read. I didn't think I would be so open about my life and faith before. I love it. I love writing and I love seeing this grow. 

Also a link from Pinterest : made me laugh and smile at this creative video. Enjoy! http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IGbF24UNlJI&feature=related

Family Strengthening

So I am going to attach a link to a video from my church's website. Unto all the World This is a video on a family from Belgium who suffered a long wait to have a family. They were reminded weekly in church the importance of family, and I just loved seeing their story.


Family Home Evening is a night once a week dedicated to staying in, and learning all about the gospel and well ..one another. You have a lesson , ,music,maybe a talent,family business, scripture, snack, and prayer. Many families put in their own twists. Like the talent portion. The Snarr family from my ward adds this and Andrew and I got to see their youngest play piano. What a beautiful talent from Heavenly Father, and some patience from mom and dad! When learning more about FHE(Family Home Evening) I was a little negative at first. Andrew and I don't have kids. I don't feel like it is considered a family at times. Well when we have missionaries over, friends, or even guests that is a great time to expand our definition of family. Searching on the church website.. LDS.ORG I found a great resource for lessons for FHE. Family Home Evening Lessons  And as always Pinterest has many , many options.  Consistency is key and I know that Andrew and I could strive to do more as a couple regarding FHE. I know once we have our exchange student and Foster kids we will be able to see more of the F..Family in the FHE. But really Andrew and I are a family and so hopeful we can set a goal and make it part of the weekly life.

Boy Scout ready

The Boy Scouts have always been known to be prepared for almost anything. What if a disaster happened today in your town and you needed to be out of the house for a while? Are you and your family ready? Our church (the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints ) is one that prides itself on being prepared. We are encouraged to have a food stock pile of non perishables lasting I believe three months out and to have what is called a 72 hour kit. What to keep in them is suggested on many different websites. 

Now what if you need medical info and other resources for first aide? Below is a list of suggestions that I jotted down from our church meeting. 

72 hour kit and these extras 

First aide kit for each member of the family 

CPR mask 

Possible fishing tackle box for a first aide kit? 

Inhaler or epi pen or Benadryl 

Empty bag in bathroom in case of emergency you can dump all of the meds into it

Big freezer bag instead possibly 

Bleeding bad? Use a diaper 

Dust mask 

Duck bill masks 

* adjust it by your family 

Tums 

Migraine medicine 

*rotations of kits 

Peroxide/alcohol swabs 

Ice pack that breaks when needed 

Gloves 

Blankets

Batteries  

Keep all important documents together

Cash in small denominations 

Emergency binder including 

Pens paper 

Money

-Up to day bio with medical info with blood type and current current meds

-Keep it in plastic

Birth certs (copy) 

Priesthood papers(if a member of the LDS church )

Temple sealing (same as above )

Animal information 

Family members numbers list

Allergy page for the family and current meds

Emergency question sheet(this is for those who may have a significant other whose a first responder who may be helping others and this helps you become self reliant  )

List of what's in the 72 hour kit

Phone chargers (possibly)

   

And there you go. Are you ready? We realized we need to get our important paper together and think of the nieces and siblings who often visit us and their important info as well. 

Memorial Day

Memorial Day is a day to remember those who give the ultimate sacrifice. So many lay down those lives for others. This phrase comes from the bible.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." -

John 15:13

So many men and women protect our freedoms. Many view Memorial Day as a wonderful day off... If one is so lucky to have it off. While typically service men and women never really get days off. Let's think of them always. 

Today our town had a beautiful parade with many service members and our firefighters :) then a service with laying wreaths down, gun salutes, taps,tears and this poem that stick out to me. 

Please Remember Me

                           (By John DiRusso)

     Remember me, America, for I was once your son

     I fought and died at Valley Forge with General Washington.

     I was there at Gettysburg on that tragic, tragic day

     When brother fought against brother--the blue against the 

           gray.

     I rode with Teddy Roosevelt on the charge up San Juan Hill

     Some came back to fight again--but I just lie there still.

     I went to France with A.E.F. to bring the peace to you

     I was twenty-one and full of fun--I never saw twenty-two.

     I'm still here at Pearl Harbor since that Decenber seventh 

           day of infamy

     Lying silently with my shipmates on the U.S.S. Arizona at the 

           bottom of the sea.

     D-Day June 6TH 1994, we hit the beaches of Normandy

     And we fought uphill every inch of the way

     We routed the Germans and hurled them back but what a 

           terrible price we had to pay.

     I served on a U.S. submarine, the bravest of the brave

     Until a German depth charge gave us a watery grave.

     I bombed the Ploesti oil fileds, they blew with one big roar

     But in the attack we were hit with flack--I'll never bomb 

           anymore.

     In Korea I heard the C.O. shout ``we'll make it--I'm sure we 

           will''

     I lost my life to try and take a spot called Pork Chop Hill.

     Vietnam! Vietnam! When will we ever learn

     I'm one of sixty thousand who never will return.

     I left my town, my wife, my kids, my home so cozy and warm

     I was killed in a SCUD attack in a war called--Desert Storm!

     And so in my eternity my thoughts are all for thee

     I'll never forget my America--I pray she remembers me.

                         

This is why I am so glad my degree is in history. To learn about these stories and heroes. I am thankful you all lived and gave up your time and lives. 

COMMENTS/Changes

I have made a few changes to the blog. Updated background and hopefull made it easier to see. I for some reaosn had some errors with those who wanted to comment...Anyone can now comment. So please leave me some advice, messages, questions, or well anything!!

The Ultimate Sacrifice

So I wanted to focus on scripture today and it struck me while reading. Two verses into my daily reading and there it is…Mosiah 23 verse 10 “ Nevertheless, after much tribulation, the Lord did hear my cries, and did answer my prayers, and has made me an instrument in his hands in bringing so many of you to a knowledge of truth.”  Many of my prayers have been answered, and even my prayers for others.  I used to honestly not pay much attention when I was in a bad situation and someone would say “ I will keep you in my prayers.” I just was cynical and thought “Ok what will that really do.” But now I see the importance daily. Not only for me but for those I know, and those I do not know. I see it as an honor now that someone tells me they will keep me in their prayers….and not just because I am a Mormon, but because I see the value in prayer, and thanking the Heavenly Father for all he has done for me.  I mean I have to pray and thank him daily for my life, seeing how I could have it much worse.

Alma 7:11-12 “And he shall go forth,  suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death which bin d his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, and his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.”

“ Thus, the Savior has suffered not just for our sins and iniquities –but also for our physical pains and anguish, our weaknesses and shortcomings, our fears and frustrations, our disappointments and discouragement, our regrets and remorse, our despair and desperation, the injustices and inequities we experience, and the emotional distresses that beset us. There is no physical pain,  no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first.  IN a moment of weakness we may cry out, “No one knows what it is like. No one understands.” But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He has felt and borne our individual burdens. And because of His infinite and eternal sacrifice, He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy. He can reach out, touch, succor , heal, and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do relying only upon our own power. Indeed, His yoke is easy and His burden is light.” –Elder David A Bednar (Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease) Shared on facebook via Sister Amy Newson.      This is incredibly powerful and humbling all at the same time. Do we really ever stop and think just how much Jesus has done for us? He literally bled from every single pore. He gave his life for everyone. Whether or not we believe in him or will one day will come to. This is so beautiful. I honestly do not know anyone else who would even think of going through an ounce of what he did for us.  

 

Well after healing comes forgiveness

So Saturday two of the elders(Elder Houskeeper and Elder Anderson) helped my mom clean up and organize her basement. Turns out it turned into putting most of the stuff into my car!  So on the way home we started talking about family and forgiveness. I started to make negative remarks and soon realized I was only hurting myself because forgiveness is for you as it is for the other person. So then Sunday morning we had two guest speakers at church discussing... FORGIVENESS. So again I took out my phone and started to write down some quotes and thoughts. 

Here they are:

Forgiveness doesn't always mean forgetting. 

Reflect on why you are trying to hold yourself to a higher standard. It's okay to forgive yourself! 

Welcome imperfections. All human being are imperfect. We are human. 

Let go of others expectations of you. 

Stop being a people pleaser. For every person that has been hard on you remember someone has been hard on them. 

Take this moment to remember where you come from and why you don't want to go back. 

Meditation

Remind yourself you are a valued and beautiful self

Diary

Start a journey on paper

Seek therapy 

Faith-draw strength 

See forgiveness as a journey rather than a destination 

Value yourself

Don't let your past haunt you forever

Enjoy positive experiences

Be grateful for what you have

Look for good in life everyday 

Apologize only when the negative outlook has changed. 

Start the journey and look forward.

Think of the great future 

I want to make sure I "let it go" like the popular new Disney movie Frozen says. I want to be sure to go to Temple with all the love in my heart and no negative thoughts. Can we all say the same? What about just positive days? 

Healing

Just when I think I have been doing well a movie story line takes me back to the worst day. The movie is Return to Zero and was a lifetime more (of course) I never would have watched but my support loss group Face to Facw had a viewing "party" and I decided to at least record it and watch it in the privacy of my own home. I was a wreck the first half. Poor Andrew is seeing me ball and ask why I am watching it. The story line is about a married couple who has a stillbirth. The struggles, the real every day life thoughts. I soon was on my pone taking notes. 

Return to zero 

People will avoid you and treat you like you are diseased.

People wanting to hug you and tell you it will be ok. 

Huge difference between still birth and miscarriage 

It's not just the loss of a baby it's the loss of a possibility of what could have been. 

These all really stuck out. There was one character who went up to the grieving mother and shared Gods plan. Of course this is NOT what you want to hear in the first few weeks. I know I was there. 

What really helped lead this blog post was a missionary from my ward posting about her brother that passed away a year ago. She has hope to see him again because we believe that we will be united one day. The most beautiful thing I was told was that I will be his mom eternally.  These feelings help mend the hole but I don't think for me it will ever be fully closed. And here some of you are think my goodness she keeps going on and on about her one loss. Well sadly my number has gone up. It's not what any woman should have to go through. I pray for the strength to heal. The strength to know I am still so loved. 

Milestone achieved!

Not only is this blog thing taken off but so is our family through fostering! We have just completed our long weeks of classes and invasive questions to be foster parents. The program we are going through provides many different types but we will start with respite. This is a little different then the average foster care programs where kids are removed for a time from the parents. This is a program where parents are unable to get the help they need and call Hillside to arrange weekends where kids go with skilled and trained foster parents. The kids have to agree to this program as well! This is so different then the normal cases of foster care. This may be a lot tougher on us as well. Saying goodbye after just a weekend with them. However it gives a chance to build a relationship with the parents and help them as well when they get to the whits end point. Andrew and I are so excited to start this. And sooner then we think our house will be full! We also have our next exchange student coming in the middle of August! Our house will be so busy and we will just thank our Heavely Father so much for all of the blessings! 

#itwasMom

So another type of movement that our church wanted to put out was the #itwasmom recognition. Ovcudously I am a day late on this intended list but I had spent yesterday with my mom and just enjoyed some beautiful moments together.

My mom started off the day with a sweet text wishing me a happy Mother's Day. Later at her home she brought me outside and we shared a beautiful moment together. I just love my mom for so many reasons. She is so compassionate and caring. 

These traits were in her from day one with me. She chose to have me and try to be with my biological father because she wanted the best for me. When she discovered he did not in fact ever grow up or want this responsibility she knew what she had to do. He was more into his drugs then being a father. She divorced him and went it alone. I had a great papa and nana who helped fill in and guide me as well...but honestly it was mom who in fact gave up so much. She worked many different jobs and tried to always make sure my one brother and I were taken care of. 

She went through the worst marriages of her life because she was hopeful to have the perfect family and have two parents when all we really needed was just her. She is perfect for us. Many may have judged her and still may for how she raised us, but she is making a difference in our lives. 

So mom thank you so much for all that you have done and continue to do. Thank you for being so happy to tell people about me, my blog and my faith. This is a beautiful thing. I will always love you. 

Quick post

"Don't look back tomorrow and say you could have done more " this quote was in a recent episode of Chicago Fire, where they closely portrayed the events of the Boston marathon bombing. It was super emotional for me due to my husband being a firefighter and seeing what first responders had to see. This quote was from a chief motivating his men. 

Anyways had the elders in my ward over tonight for dinner with Andrew and I and we discussed some other leaders in our lives and their amazing quotes. We also watched the video about Thomas S Monson entitled "On the Lords errand". For those non Mormon readers: he is our living prophet(some may say. He reminds them of the pope from the catholic faith) he really was given so much spiritual guidance throughout his life and done so many great things.  I have had the guidance and help along my journey. People have been placed in my life for a reason and people have exited my life for a reason. 

Some well loved Thomas S Monson quotes are :  

" the reward of eternal life requires effort"

" chose your love ,love your choice"

" work will win when wishy washy wishing won't " ( say that 5x fast) 

" faith and doubt can not exist in the same mind at the same time for one will dispel the other"

" we may not only find faith in god in our sorrow we may also become faithful to Him in times of calm" 

Continue to spread my messages around! Love others as he has loved you. Have a great weekend and pray for those who have been affected by the floods down south. 

Baptisms and reflections

Recently Andrew ,my siblings and I took a trip out to Orchard Park Ny. For any Buffalo Bills fans you may be very familiar with the area..for others...not so much. This has been Elder Kelly's area since January and he recently was able to help baptize a mother and daughter. The best reaction was when the mom exclaimed "yes!!" You could just tell how happy she was! The day was so beautiful and it was great to new Elder Kelly's new companions.  Life is full of so many great blessings. 

To the Elders..

Dear Elders, 

You guys give up SO much for two years just to spread the gospel and unite people eternally with their families in the kingdom of Heaven, have doors shut on your face to have one glorious door open. I have so much respect for you guys. (And of course the sisters) you guys have been there for me on my faith journey and deserve such a great big thank you! Yesterday was Easter and it just helps remind me all that Jesus did for us. Yes all of us. Even if you don't believe in him..he suffered for you. Bled from every pore and then 3 days later was resurrected! The tomb was empty so we don't have to be! What a beautiful thing. I get chills when I hear the story. Every time.  Thank you to the elders who do so much. 

Because of Him

So this week my church has challenged it's social media users to share with the world all of the great blessing we receive because of Him(God). And to utilize the #(hashtag) so it can be seen all over. So my #becauseofhim has been doing well this week on Facebook. I thought I would add in some blessing here as well. 

Because of Him I met the one I love and will spend eternity with.

Because of Him I know plans may not always go according to what I think the plan is but what He has in store for me. 

Because of Him I know unconditional and unfailing love.

Because of Him I push myself to be a better person every single day.

Because of Him I am kind to others and compassionate.

Because of Him I know families are forever and even though I lost my son I know he is always mine.

Because of Him I am a better daughter.

Because of Him I look out for others and try to help those who need it.

What are some of your blessings??

Loss

So I wanted to sit down and take the time to write. Two years ago tomorrow something that I would not wish upon any "enemy" occurred. I lost my son Matthew at 5 months pregnant. My hopes is that this does not seem like overkill to you readers....o goodness here she goes again. But really reflecting on all that I have overcome. With the depression and anxiety that set in after the loss, to today where I can openly share my story and smile because I know it is not the end of the world. Life does go on. Like I have mentioned in some past posts I believe families are truly forever. This thought is very comforting. I just want to thank those who have been there for me on this crazy journey. Especially my husband, best friend Felicia, my parents and inlays, siblings, and our exchange student Mathieu as well as m,y numerous amount of friends. The weeks following I had many people message me privately to let me know how much they admired my strength. I am so humbled by the messages I received and those who said I was so much stronger than I ever thought. Because of the support and those willing to remind me that God has so much in store for me it has led me to where I am today. Sure I break, sure I doubt. But I do know that Heavenly Father does love me and wants me to have kids one day. 

Tomorrow we celebrate life. We celebrate love. We celebrate the 5 months I had to grow the little boy inside of me. We celebrate the future. 

General Conference

So twice a year, in April and October we (as Mormons) have what's called General Conference. This is a live feed of wonderful hymns, and speakers with profound messages. I had a pretty busy weekend so luckily I logged onto LDS.ORG and was able to watch things that I could not see live. I am not finished watching all of the messages and speakers just yet but it has already left a big impact. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said " Defend your beliefs with courtesy and compassion but defend them" This is such a strong message. Often when defending yourself the first feeling one may have is anger, and may turn into arguing rather then stating beliefs. I know because just this weekend I kind of fell into the defensive mode. For those of you who may or may not know me personally I have struggled most of my life with not having my biological father in my life. For all intense purposes up until my mom met her current husband and love of her life Rod, my papa (grandpa) has been my dad. Well my biological father and his family do exist and we have tried to connect throughout the years. I am actually pretty close with my uncle and aunt from that side. So this weekend when my technical half sister asked me to support her with a school function I just had to go and be there for her. My grandfather on that side cringed when I said I was Mormon. Now he is an openly gay man and said " well you must really hate me now." This caught me off guard because I do not actually hate anyone. I am pretty forgiving and do a lot of human rights work and volunteering. I love all people. I told him that I am no different then I was months ago before my conversion on my stance for caring about him as a person. He then tried to tell me how bad my church was and I immediately thought of defensive arguments. But all I said was I love you and I am a forgiving person. It was not worth trying to prove I was a forgiving person because of my faith...but to show I was forgiving and loving.

Below is an excerpt from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: 'The cost — and blessings — of discipleship' speech:
“You may wonder if it is worth it to take a courageous moral stand in high school, or to go on a mission only to have your most cherished beliefs reviled, or to strive against much in society that sometimes ridicules a life of religious devotion,” he said. “Yes, it is worth it, because the alternative is to have our ‘houses’ left unto us ‘desolate’ — desolate individuals, desolate families, desolate neighborhoods and desolate nations ... (see Matthew 23:37-38).


After this weekend it really rung true. We are really given challenges that the Lord knows we can handle.  This weekend my personal biggest challenge was seeing my biological father..actually be a father to his two new kids. I am sorry if he or his family are reading this..but it is true. O felt like an outsider, but it was also nice to be there for these two kids who are half related to me. Basically families are all weird combinations. 

Find your faith. Fight with compassion and conviction. Pray for others.

Faith

Faith. Three things people don't talk about socially and normally religion/faith falls into this category. Many shy away from talking about theirs beliefs...unless of course you are friends with me then we may have discussed it. Faith is hard to keep at times and I have seemed to misplace it. I am not innocent. But it's the rebuilding that happens. It's the prayers and those who help lead you back to it. Sometimes it's the logical voice in your head trying to wake you up about not believing. Something I think that can build faith besides church is prayer and fasting.   Last week I fasted and prayed for something's to come true. It's also going into the fast or prayer knowing that you may not get the results you wanted. 

time to reflect

I just wanted to thank all of you again for reading my thoughts and experiences on this crazy journey of mine.  I want to take some time now and thank someone whose really been there for me on this journey. Someone whose my other half, my best friend and who happens to be married to me. My husband and I have been through a lot these past few years and usually a loss of child can drift people apart. Couples usually face grief in all different ways and at different stages all at once. Many can not rebuild or ever feel the same. Now I do not know the mathematical statistics on this so it's just my opinion and observations and conversations with others who have experienced loss of a child. Andrew and I have grown stronger. There have been days where we seem to go back to square one with the grief but he is always there to  help me, catch me when I am sad and always listen. This has not been easy, but has been getting a little better day by day. I want to thank him for always being there for me and being my biggest fan. He is there for me whenever I need him, and I am so lucky to get to spend eternity with him.

Some people are worth melting for

Love is putting someone else's needs before your own. For me I learned to love through my mom and nana and papa. Papa helped bring me to faith. He taught me that God loved us and have us Jesus..his only son. Then Jesus laid down his life for all of us.

 I took my gram to her doctors appointment  last week. She is actually my great grandmother and is 96 years young.  She is a great example of what I strive for in life. Good health,family, longevity and see the world and how it's changed. 

Beautiful world

I get to spend most weekends with this beauty. Her sister favors Andrew so that's why she is not also featured in this post. Being a role model to them is fantastic. It makes me feel like family. So here is to another great weekend with some of the ones I love! Who are you making your weekends count with? 

Alma 32

I was driving to my appointment yesterday and I kept thinking Alma 32. I did not know why. So at a red light I quickly messaged the elders and asked them what verses they typically teach from Alma 32 because I had this overwhelming feeling to read something from there before my appt. The elders said " verses 21 til the end us about faith and talking about the seed growing." BOOM. That was it. Faith. I needed a faith boost, especially before going to see the fertility doctor ....yet again. So here below is what I needed to read yesterday....read it for yourself.

21 And now as I said concerning faith—^afaith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye ^bhope for things which are ^cnot seen, which are true.

 22 And now, behold, I say unto you, and I would that ye should remember, that God is ^amerciful unto all who believe on his name; therefore he desireth, in the first place, that ye should believe, yea, even on his word.

 23 And now, he imparteth his word by angels unto men, yea, ^anot only men but women also. Now this is not all; little ^bchildren do have words given unto them many times, which ^cconfound the wise and the learned.

 24 And now, my beloved brethren, as ye have desired to know of me what ye shall do because ye are afflicted and cast out—now I do not desire that ye should suppose that I mean to judge you only according to that which is true—

 25 For I do not mean that ye all of you have been compelled to humble yourselves; for I verily believe that there are some among you who ^awould humble themselves, let them be in whatsoever circumstances they might.

 26 Now, as I said concerning faith—that it was not a perfect knowledge—even so it is with my words. Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection, any more than faith is a perfect knowledge.

 27 But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than^adesire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

 28 Now, we will compare the word unto a ^aseed. Now, if ye give place, that a^bseed may be planted in your ^cheart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your ^dunbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to ^eenlighten my ^funderstanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me.

 29 Now behold, would not this increase your faith? I say unto you, Yea; nevertheless it hath not grown up to a perfect knowledge.

 30 But behold, as the seed swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, then you must needs say that the seed is good; for behold it swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow. And now, behold, will not this strengthen your faith? Yea, it will strengthen your faith: for ye will say I know that this is a good seed; for behold it sprouteth and beginneth to grow.

 31 And now, behold, are ye sure that this is a good seed? I say unto you, Yea; for every seed bringeth forth unto its own ^alikeness.

 32 Therefore, if a seed groweth it is good, but if it groweth not, behold it is not good, therefore it is cast away.

 33 And now, behold, because ye have tried the experiment, and planted the seed, and it swelleth and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, ye must needs know that the seed is good.

 34 And now, behold, is your ^aknowledge ^bperfect? Yea, your knowledge is perfect in that thing, and your ^cfaith is dormant; and this because you know, for ye know that the word hath swelled your souls, and ye also know that it hath sprouted up, that your understanding doth begin to be enlightened, and your ^dmind doth begin to expand.

 35 O then, is not this real? I say unto you, Yea, because it is ^alight; and whatsoever is light, is ^bgood, because it is discernible, therefore ye must know that it is good; and now behold, after ye have tasted this light is your knowledge perfect?

 36 Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither must ye lay aside your faith, for ye have only exercised your faith to plant the seed that ye might try the experiment to know if the seed was good.

 37 And behold, as the tree beginneth to grow, ye will say: Let us nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow up, and bring forth fruit unto us. And now behold, if ye nourish it with much care it will get root, and grow up, and bring forth fruit.

 38 But if ye ^aneglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.

 39 Now, this is not because the seed was not good, neither is it because the fruit thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your ^aground is ^bbarren, and ye will not nourish the tree, therefore ye cannot have the fruit thereof.

 40 And thus, if ye will not nourish the word, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, ye can never pluck of the fruit of the ^atree of life.

 41 But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with ^apatience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree ^bspringing up unto everlasting life.

 42 And because of your ^adiligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the ^bfruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.

 43 Then, my brethren, ye shall ^areap the ^brewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth^cfruit unto you.