Healing

Just when I think I have been doing well a movie story line takes me back to the worst day. The movie is Return to Zero and was a lifetime more (of course) I never would have watched but my support loss group Face to Facw had a viewing "party" and I decided to at least record it and watch it in the privacy of my own home. I was a wreck the first half. Poor Andrew is seeing me ball and ask why I am watching it. The story line is about a married couple who has a stillbirth. The struggles, the real every day life thoughts. I soon was on my pone taking notes. 

Return to zero 

People will avoid you and treat you like you are diseased.

People wanting to hug you and tell you it will be ok. 

Huge difference between still birth and miscarriage 

It's not just the loss of a baby it's the loss of a possibility of what could have been. 

These all really stuck out. There was one character who went up to the grieving mother and shared Gods plan. Of course this is NOT what you want to hear in the first few weeks. I know I was there. 

What really helped lead this blog post was a missionary from my ward posting about her brother that passed away a year ago. She has hope to see him again because we believe that we will be united one day. The most beautiful thing I was told was that I will be his mom eternally.  These feelings help mend the hole but I don't think for me it will ever be fully closed. And here some of you are think my goodness she keeps going on and on about her one loss. Well sadly my number has gone up. It's not what any woman should have to go through. I pray for the strength to heal. The strength to know I am still so loved.