Quick post

"Don't look back tomorrow and say you could have done more " this quote was in a recent episode of Chicago Fire, where they closely portrayed the events of the Boston marathon bombing. It was super emotional for me due to my husband being a firefighter and seeing what first responders had to see. This quote was from a chief motivating his men. 

Anyways had the elders in my ward over tonight for dinner with Andrew and I and we discussed some other leaders in our lives and their amazing quotes. We also watched the video about Thomas S Monson entitled "On the Lords errand". For those non Mormon readers: he is our living prophet(some may say. He reminds them of the pope from the catholic faith) he really was given so much spiritual guidance throughout his life and done so many great things.  I have had the guidance and help along my journey. People have been placed in my life for a reason and people have exited my life for a reason. 

Some well loved Thomas S Monson quotes are :  

" the reward of eternal life requires effort"

" chose your love ,love your choice"

" work will win when wishy washy wishing won't " ( say that 5x fast) 

" faith and doubt can not exist in the same mind at the same time for one will dispel the other"

" we may not only find faith in god in our sorrow we may also become faithful to Him in times of calm" 

Continue to spread my messages around! Love others as he has loved you. Have a great weekend and pray for those who have been affected by the floods down south. 

Baptisms and reflections

Recently Andrew ,my siblings and I took a trip out to Orchard Park Ny. For any Buffalo Bills fans you may be very familiar with the area..for others...not so much. This has been Elder Kelly's area since January and he recently was able to help baptize a mother and daughter. The best reaction was when the mom exclaimed "yes!!" You could just tell how happy she was! The day was so beautiful and it was great to new Elder Kelly's new companions.  Life is full of so many great blessings. 

To the Elders..

Dear Elders, 

You guys give up SO much for two years just to spread the gospel and unite people eternally with their families in the kingdom of Heaven, have doors shut on your face to have one glorious door open. I have so much respect for you guys. (And of course the sisters) you guys have been there for me on my faith journey and deserve such a great big thank you! Yesterday was Easter and it just helps remind me all that Jesus did for us. Yes all of us. Even if you don't believe in him..he suffered for you. Bled from every pore and then 3 days later was resurrected! The tomb was empty so we don't have to be! What a beautiful thing. I get chills when I hear the story. Every time.  Thank you to the elders who do so much. 

Because of Him

So this week my church has challenged it's social media users to share with the world all of the great blessing we receive because of Him(God). And to utilize the #(hashtag) so it can be seen all over. So my #becauseofhim has been doing well this week on Facebook. I thought I would add in some blessing here as well. 

Because of Him I met the one I love and will spend eternity with.

Because of Him I know plans may not always go according to what I think the plan is but what He has in store for me. 

Because of Him I know unconditional and unfailing love.

Because of Him I push myself to be a better person every single day.

Because of Him I am kind to others and compassionate.

Because of Him I know families are forever and even though I lost my son I know he is always mine.

Because of Him I am a better daughter.

Because of Him I look out for others and try to help those who need it.

What are some of your blessings??

Loss

So I wanted to sit down and take the time to write. Two years ago tomorrow something that I would not wish upon any "enemy" occurred. I lost my son Matthew at 5 months pregnant. My hopes is that this does not seem like overkill to you readers....o goodness here she goes again. But really reflecting on all that I have overcome. With the depression and anxiety that set in after the loss, to today where I can openly share my story and smile because I know it is not the end of the world. Life does go on. Like I have mentioned in some past posts I believe families are truly forever. This thought is very comforting. I just want to thank those who have been there for me on this crazy journey. Especially my husband, best friend Felicia, my parents and inlays, siblings, and our exchange student Mathieu as well as m,y numerous amount of friends. The weeks following I had many people message me privately to let me know how much they admired my strength. I am so humbled by the messages I received and those who said I was so much stronger than I ever thought. Because of the support and those willing to remind me that God has so much in store for me it has led me to where I am today. Sure I break, sure I doubt. But I do know that Heavenly Father does love me and wants me to have kids one day. 

Tomorrow we celebrate life. We celebrate love. We celebrate the 5 months I had to grow the little boy inside of me. We celebrate the future. 

General Conference

So twice a year, in April and October we (as Mormons) have what's called General Conference. This is a live feed of wonderful hymns, and speakers with profound messages. I had a pretty busy weekend so luckily I logged onto LDS.ORG and was able to watch things that I could not see live. I am not finished watching all of the messages and speakers just yet but it has already left a big impact. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said " Defend your beliefs with courtesy and compassion but defend them" This is such a strong message. Often when defending yourself the first feeling one may have is anger, and may turn into arguing rather then stating beliefs. I know because just this weekend I kind of fell into the defensive mode. For those of you who may or may not know me personally I have struggled most of my life with not having my biological father in my life. For all intense purposes up until my mom met her current husband and love of her life Rod, my papa (grandpa) has been my dad. Well my biological father and his family do exist and we have tried to connect throughout the years. I am actually pretty close with my uncle and aunt from that side. So this weekend when my technical half sister asked me to support her with a school function I just had to go and be there for her. My grandfather on that side cringed when I said I was Mormon. Now he is an openly gay man and said " well you must really hate me now." This caught me off guard because I do not actually hate anyone. I am pretty forgiving and do a lot of human rights work and volunteering. I love all people. I told him that I am no different then I was months ago before my conversion on my stance for caring about him as a person. He then tried to tell me how bad my church was and I immediately thought of defensive arguments. But all I said was I love you and I am a forgiving person. It was not worth trying to prove I was a forgiving person because of my faith...but to show I was forgiving and loving.

Below is an excerpt from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: 'The cost — and blessings — of discipleship' speech:
“You may wonder if it is worth it to take a courageous moral stand in high school, or to go on a mission only to have your most cherished beliefs reviled, or to strive against much in society that sometimes ridicules a life of religious devotion,” he said. “Yes, it is worth it, because the alternative is to have our ‘houses’ left unto us ‘desolate’ — desolate individuals, desolate families, desolate neighborhoods and desolate nations ... (see Matthew 23:37-38).


After this weekend it really rung true. We are really given challenges that the Lord knows we can handle.  This weekend my personal biggest challenge was seeing my biological father..actually be a father to his two new kids. I am sorry if he or his family are reading this..but it is true. O felt like an outsider, but it was also nice to be there for these two kids who are half related to me. Basically families are all weird combinations. 

Find your faith. Fight with compassion and conviction. Pray for others.

Faith

Faith. Three things people don't talk about socially and normally religion/faith falls into this category. Many shy away from talking about theirs beliefs...unless of course you are friends with me then we may have discussed it. Faith is hard to keep at times and I have seemed to misplace it. I am not innocent. But it's the rebuilding that happens. It's the prayers and those who help lead you back to it. Sometimes it's the logical voice in your head trying to wake you up about not believing. Something I think that can build faith besides church is prayer and fasting.   Last week I fasted and prayed for something's to come true. It's also going into the fast or prayer knowing that you may not get the results you wanted.