So 6 missionaries and my husband and I's best friends just left our home a while ago. The house was full or laughter and joy. Elder Vickers shared a short video with us and the story was basically of a man searching for big hunks of gold when he was really missing out on all of the flakes that the river had to offer him. What are you searching for that is the "big ticket item" that you are missing the small moments? I often think of missing out on the little things that you could be doing for someone else. Take marriage for example..if you stop doing the little things or taking the time to appreciate the small moments in life then it will all just pass you by. Marriage needs to be a constant worked upon event..in my humble opinion. Today we had our first home teaching meeting and now thing we touched upon was some blessings we have felt since our baptism and the laying on of hands to receive the Holy Ghost. Nervously I opened up in front of one of my new home teachers about my pregnancy loss. For those of you who do not know... I was 5 months pregnant and the day after easter I just felt awful. I called the doctors office telling them I sensed something was wrong and they kept pushing me off. Hours later after my doctor finally made time for me it was to late. I was already delivering my son at 5 months of pregnancy. He died in the process of delivery and since he was not at a vital organ saving age there was nothing they could do. Ever since April 9th 2012 I have had a harder time when it comes to faith. I will be honest it is hard to see the initial positive after such a horrific event. Now almost tow years later and 20 months of trying for our second child I am keeping my faith.
Many would give up. Many would kick themselves after each appointment of negative doctors appointments. I did that for so long. But honestly ever since baptism I have had a little bit of an easier time facing the "no's" that the doctors or tests have told me. Being baptized may not change how everyone feels but I can say it is a little easier to hear the no. I mean a few months ago I had a friend approach me and ask if her cousin decided on adoption for her baby would I consider adoption. I talked with both birth parents and was ready with Andrew to continue the process and the baby was due in January. My heart skipped with joy when the mother revealed it was a boy. Soon after the gender reveal I was told that they decided to keep the baby and try to be the best parents they could be. If we just look at the face value of something we could never move past it. I was really crushed but I am still Facebook friends with the parents and I am so happy seeing their little moments they share with their son. God has a plan for all of us. It may not be our plan but he knows what is in our heart and will give us what we need. I am waiting on this part of my story. I know it will happen and the little moments or victories in the mean time are worth it.
Keep praying.
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